“AND DON’T FORGET TO GIVE YOUR CAR A REEEEEALLY SCARY NAME TIMMY!”

Since the beginning of the industrial age humans have given mechanical things “titles” . For example, we had THE SPIRIT OF ST LOUIS, THE HINDENBURG, THE TITANIC, all throughout WWII we gave our bombers, even our bombs names. Way back when the first customizers of the automobile stepped off the “MAYFLOWER”…..uuuh…wait…. well, when people started customizing cars, they immediately began to give them names. For a brief period this practice seemed to subside, but has since enjoyed a resurgence that is gaining in momentum at an alarming rate! For me, I’ve always considered the practice as “show car fluff”. If you’ve built a really “badass” or memorable car, it will speak for itself, “IT DON’T NEED NO STINKING NAME!” “O.K., what’s up with the” CHEEZWIZ” I hear you ask?”Well BUCKY, let me just tell you…During the construction of the car my friend and co-builder JOE McCORMICK and I were having a parallel discussion about the practice of magazine’s giving cars names that they feature. The owner really has no control over the final outcome of the feature. Generally, that’s O.K. but we were laughing over the field day they were going to have with a big ORANGE ‘55 CHEVY! At that point, JOE blurted out “IT”S CHEEZWIZ!!!” We laughed hysterically, we had a name!. On the cross country trek I relayed the story to JEFF SMITH, this ultimately led to me mixing red food dye with cheezwiz to match my paint, pouring it down my trunk lid while SCREAMING at JEFF to take a picture before the stuff ran below my splash pan and onto the top of my bellypan! “I don’t know why honey, but every time I ride in this car I crave nachos!” Since then, it seems that the ‘NAME” thing has taken a definite turn for the worse. I suppose some of it can be blamed on the changes in our society and the infinite struggle for “street cred”. After all, how else could you possibly explain all the pretentious, intimidating names? e.g.” THE IKILLYANATOR” or” THE SLINGBLADE” The other approach is to simply take a portion of the original name and play off of that. If your ride happens to be an early 60’s full bodied sedan built by CHEVROLET, then you’re IN. It’s BIS this and BIS that, if it’s green, simply call it BISPICKLE !! I’m thinking of building a ‘65 impala 4 door, I’m gonna weld the front doors shut, cut off the top, take all of the springs out completely and weld the control arms to the frame. I’m gonna call it” IMPRACTICAL !” I guess I feel that people are starting to take our love for the automobile a bit TOO seriously. Now, it’s all about marketing and brand identification. I see a time in the not too distant future when all the “BIG” name cars will have” trainers” and “agents”, “YEAH, I can have “BIS HAZARD” at your car show from 3:15 until 4:47, then we gotta catch a plane for a press conference at the COOLGUY museum in L.A. Now, you understand, my baby only shows if there’s a 9’6 3/8”perimeter around the vehicle, and a 5 gallon bucket of M&M’s , no brown ones …

Scott Sullivan

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